I Missed You

Where do I even start?

I’m sorry.

That seems a little trite given nearly nine months of silence.

2020 was not a good year. For anyone, I’d imagine except perhaps the owners and stock holders of a number of tech companies that have probably been thanking the pandemic every day as they watch their bank balances rise. And honestly, I don’t have as much to complain about as some people.

I started 2020 filling in for a higher position at work and during the year I was able to gain permanency in the role. Despite daily changes for a few months as to what the job entailed as new restrictions and rules were rolled out I kind of kept things together at work.

Unfortunately, while I was keeping things together at work I was struggling with everything else. I had to give up going into twitter for a bit because I ended up just doomscrolling. Whether it was fires at the start of the year, the usual political sniping, then daily updates on the number of people infected, areas under lock down, and the tragic numbers of those who were dying around the world, I just felt like I couldn’t breathe. Even later in the year when I thought I could just check in on a few things, I got drawn into reading about the increasing potential of trade wars, shortages of supplies, unemployment figures, and then of course the American election which kind of dominated everything.

In the midst of all of that, my own health took a turn for the worse as I found myself suffering fairly persistent headaches. I’ve always had periodic migraines but this was new. Even in a town where there were no covid infections, it took nearly a month to actually be able to see a doctor (everyone who even had a sniffle had to go get a covid test and the backlog wiped out our already limited health services). Then they wanted some tests done, which took forever. Finally they sent me for an MRI which required travel out of the region which meant time off work so that took a bit to organise and ultimately came up with nothing.

By September, I was still getting headaches but I’d kind of figured out how to minimise the debilitating effects and could function most of the day and was kind of getting ready to come back to the blog at which point I realised how long it had been. It was then I started wondering how to come back and what to say. Then I thought there was no point starting right before I was going away for a week and so on and came up with a number of procrastinations to avoid writing this post essentially.

But I missed it. I missed my blog and I missed all the wonderful people I used to talk to. I felt bad that I couldn’t be there for others during a year where everyone was going through so much. I’ve finally got myself into a place where I am ready to take the plunge and come back. I reached out to Irina and she, being the wonderful person that she is, gave me yet more encouragement and hopefully we’ll be collaborating on a piece in the near future once both of us are a little less busy.

So yes, I am back.

At this stage my plan is to try to post at least once each week and gradually build up to more. Some weeks I might be more available than others so will write more.

I am not going to restart my patreon for the foreseeable future. My real world work commitments won’t allow me sufficient time to really work at making the blog more full time at this stage.

I’ve got a lot of anime from 2020 to catch up on. I’ve got a lot to look forward to in 2021.

To my readers who see this one, I am sorry for my absence. Hopefully you will drop me a comment below letting me know how you are and what you are up to. Also, if there was an anime in 2020 that was ‘amazing’ and a ‘must watch’ let me know, as I’m starting to compile a list of shows I need to do a catch up watch of.

One thing I did finally do in 2020: I finally watched Cowboy Bebop. I will review it very soon.


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114 thoughts on “I Missed You

  1. Welcome back Karandi!

    As you’ve already seen I’ve been absent myself lately, but let’s hope both of us can make it back to some more regular posting this year!

    I hope you are doing well. You’re a cornerstone of this community and one of the most prolific bloggers, so it’s not been the same without you.

    Stay safe!

  2. Oh, hey, look who’s back. I noticed your reply on Irina’s blog, and came checking in. I normally don’t worry much when people disappear on the web; real life is the anchor and stuff happens that changes priority. When this comes together with the rising trajectory of a pandemic, though…

    Also, look at the number of comments you’ve gotten. It’s obvious you’ve been missed, too. Good to see you back in the game.

  3. Woohoo! it felt so weird not seeing you around in the community, and honestly I missed seeing you around. Of course, taking care of your health should always be number one priority, and I’m definitely glad you’re feeling better, but I’m also just glad you’re back, Karandi!

  4. Welcome back!

    I’m sorry to hear about your health struggles and how difficult it has been for you to find any answers. I hope your doctors will be able to figure out what’s causing your headaches soon.

    It’s great to see you posting again and I’m really looking forward to reading your review of Cowboy Bebop.

    Here’s hoping that 2021 will shape up to be a better year for all of us!

    1. I am hoping things improve this year. Though still a lot happening even now so I am guessing the first half of the year is going to be every bit as hectic as last year.

  5. Hey, welcome back! Good to know you’re alive :sweat_smile:

    Wasn’t a big fan of 2020, anime-wise. But if you’re into foreign live-action TV, I strongly recommend My Brilliant Friend / L’amica geniale.

    Take it easy, and we’ll see you again at some point.

  6. So glad to see you back and learn that you’re at least somewhat OK. I had gotten worried about you with the fires and tried to contact you without success, even to the point of bothering Irina to see if knew if you were OK. (She was, as always, gracious and discreet.) Anyway, glad to see you again! Please PM me if you need anything over there.

    1. Fortunately well away from fires though many family members were significantly closer. Just ongoing drought and hotter and hotter years where I live (though the local families all assure me we are due for a flood this year – I was here for the last one ten years ago and to be honest not looking forward to a repeat performance). Sorry for worrying you.

  7. Hi K, We already spoke a bit but let me welcome you back here as well. Please make sure to take care of yourself and not push yourself too hard. We’re all here for you if you need anything.

  8. It’s been a while and I know I wondered where you were a few times while emptying out my drafts.

    2020 was a weird year for me, since it was my final year of education but I was otherwise stuck fast in terms of life due to COVID. I basically dedicated all my free time to anime + manga and blogging (as you would expect), but also Hypnosis Mic, a music project which had a game come out at the time lockdowns were being introduced worldwide, several manga (although 3 of 4 which started were just prologue chapters and start for real in 2021) and an anime at the end of the year to top it off. (That’s a fun watch but quite minimal on plot, so I wouldn’t recommend it unless you want to turn your brain off for 24 minutes.) A lot of my free time was dedicated to that series, to the point where I even scared myself with how dedicated I was to it…

    I haven’t finished a bunch of series due to COVID delays and my subsequent attention to backlog, but I’d recommend Appare-Ranman, ID: Invaded, Keep Your Hands off Eizouken and Moriarty the Patriot (2nd season in spring 2021). I remember you did coverage of Eizouken and ID, but aborted them around episode 7 or so. (Irina finished Eizouken in your absence, though.)

    1. Yeah, it was around mid-season I just got too caught up and unable to continue. Irina was awesome though.
      Hopefully 2021 gives us a all a bit more freedom though it is probably going to take a bit before anything changes for the better.

  9. Glad to see you’re safe and well. 2020 really did a number on all of us. Don’t feel pressured to rush back into things, I think everyone is just happy to see you back with us.

    1. Thanks Wooderon. And I’m not feeling pressured. Instead I’m feeling really happy and grateful because of all the support people have given me. I really missed the great people in this community.

  10. Glad to hear from you and thanks for the link. I really need to figure out which shows I am going to catch up on and which ones can wait.

  11. It is great to see you back. I have always really enjoyed your blog and I missed it.

    2020 has been a regular “annus horribilis.” I feel like January is the final calamity of 2020 and not really part of 2021. I have no knowledge of why you were gone but my hope is that everything is ok now and you’ll not need to leave us again. You’re one of the precious gems of the anime blog-o-sphere.

    1. Thanks Fred. I explain a little in the post but really 2020 was just a little too much for me to deal with and I ended up retreating from being online.
      And yeah January 2021 isn’t making me all that optimistic. We were covid free in Queensland for a good while there and now the capital city is under a 3 day lockdown while the try and find out if there’s a new outbreak.

        1. No, it was largely news sites, Twitter, Facebook and the like and also that at first I was looking for news and updates but then it just kind of took over.

          1. There is a kind of selection bias in how they pick their stories. Then there is selection bias in which stories we read and how we choose to interpret them. It leads to going crazy with the doomsday stuff.

            A lot of good and amazing thngs go on but they don’t get reported as intensively. And when they do, we don’t give it as much importance because we are wired more for fear than for optimism.

  12. Welcome back, Karandi. 2020 was so stressful on so many levels and I can relate. I’m glad you’re doing okay though. You were definitely missed in the blogosphere.

      1. You’re welcome, Karandi. I did suffer some low points in 2020, but some good things happened as well. I was also thankful to have some dialogue with various bloggers when it came to the overt racism issues in America. Besides that, I got some more writing done with my fiction, did some video projects, and a bit of recording.

  13. Welcome back! Congrats on your job opportunity and I hope your headaches will clear up. Take all the time you need to get back into blogging.

    1. Thanks Xeno. I am hoping to have a post or two out later this week to start off. Looking forward to catching up with everyone’s blogs and seeing what they have been up to.

  14. And here I was just thinking about you the other day! Glad to see you are well and back Karandi. I’ve also stepped away from blogging at the beginning of last year but still post occasionally here and there. We just posted the winners for the third annual WordPress Anime Awards on the KPP site if you wanna check them out. My personal favorites from 2020 would be as follows:
    1. Great Pretender
    2. Dorohedoro
    3. Akudama Drive
    4. Fruits Basket S2
    5. Golden Kamuy S3
    6. Re:Zero S2
    7. ID: Invaded
    8. Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle
    9. Princess Connect Re:Dive
    10. The Day I Became a God
    Other gem anime series include Asteroid in Love, Kakushigoto, Diary of our Days at the Breakwater, Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina, Adachi to Shimamura, and Moriarty the Patriot. You can’t go wrong with some of the series that came out in 2020. Although it was an awful year for most, we got some amazing anime out of it 😀
    Cheers friend! And welcome back!

  15. Ah, I’m glad to see you’re feeling well enough to return. I’m sorry to see you’ve been having such a rough time. But while I’m clearly not alone in doing so, I wish you a warm welcome comeback~ ^^

      1. Ooofff that an hard one it’s a tie between Gojo Satoru, Sukuna (both from Jujutsu Kaisen) and Miya Atsumu from Haikyuu s4.

        Haikyuu finished airing and Jujutsu Kaisen gonna start the 2nd court this Friday.

  16. Your absence was definitely deepy felt by everyone. Honestly, I’d even been fearful that something bad had happened to you… Regardless of whether you’re able to write regularly or not, I’m just happy to know that you’re well. Seeing your posts every now and then would be a plus! Anyway, congrats on your promotion and it’s nice to hear from you again!

    1. Definitely good to be back. Hopefully I can catch up with what everyone has been up to on their blogs a little at a time. I missed you all.

  17. Karandi! Welcome back! It’s lovely to see you again!

    As many have said before me, it’s quite understandable that you may have had to take a step back. I took a step back from the community recently as well and it certainly helped. It’s been great to get back to it, though.That being said, make sure you take all the time you need, okay? I’m sure none of us would want you to rush yourself into coming back. Make sure you look after number one!

    As for anime, I personally loved the two seasons of Haikyuu!! we got last year, as well as Kakushigoto and Fugou Keiji. Although, a lot of others have mentioned some very good shows to check out as well.

    Again, nice to see you once again!

    1. Great to hear from you Amelia. I recently got the earlier Haikyuu seasons on DVD and was planning a rewatch of the whole series before catching up on the new seasons. Not sure when but I definitely want to catch up.

  18. Happy that you’re back and doing all right! I’m not quite as plugged into the anime side of things on WP as the game side, but I look forward to seeing what you have in store. Cowboy Bebop is an old favorite too.

    1. Thank you AK.
      So many people pushed Cowboy Bebop I had to watch it at some point and while I took a break from seasonal shows last year seemed a good opportunity to finally get to it.

  19. Thank God you’re okay.

    I could turn tsundere mode on and say I wasn’t worried at all, but I’ll just skip the histrionics…

    Welcome back! 2021 just took a turn for the better! And certainly no need for you to apologize, though it’s a great gesture. You had to take care of your health, which is exactly what you should have done! I saw how much you loved your site and your place in this community. It was obvious that whatever was keeping you away was serious.

    Just glad you’re okay.

    Suggestions for your “must watch” list, in order of season, starting 2020 Spring (limiting to 1 per season to prevent a flood):

    My Next Life as a Villainess: All Paths Lead to Doom!, Re:ZERO Season 2 Part 1, Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina (okay, I admit I just want to know your reaction), and finally The Promised Neverland Season 2.

    Lynn’s recommendation of Princess Connect is spot on — it’s just a wholesome blast to watch.

    PS — Glad you’re going to take it slow to start. And thanks for letting us know you’re okay!

    1. Hey Crow. So good to hear from you. Thanks so much for the suggestions. I am very much looking forward to catching up with everyone and with all the anime news.

      Yeah, I definitely need to pace myself but I don’t plan on vanishing again.

  20. Oh Karandi is back! Welcome back! It is great to have one of my blogging inspirations back. You are also the one blogger people kept talking about, even when you were gone for months so it shows how loved you are! I really loved that feeling.. .maybe K tagging you 100 times on Twitter was a little much love.. but you truely are an amazing inspiration to us all I think!

    As for what I have been up to! I evolved from a Chibi into a proper anime girl.. and recently into a Moth-V-Blogger. Had a little burnout and depression myself last month with some slight heart and health issues. I have been watching and reviewing Cowboy Bebop myself lately but I haven’t been able to get to far in yet. Picked up Zombie Land Saga, Slime , Natsume Book of Friends and Utena as well.

    While I very well might drop Utena as it isn’t working out for me, I have been having quite a bit of fun with Hikaru no Go and the Digimon series reboot. Gotta have my collectable battle creature series of course!

    Other than that lot’s of Pokémon stuff like always and my blog is still quite pink! There are just a few more marketing blogs following it! I am doing a lot better than last month as well!

    I now look forward to see your full fledged and glorious return and some of those amazing collabs you and Irina used to do! So thank you for giving me more to look forward to in 2021 and welcome back! Great to see a giant return!

    1. Wow, thanks Pinkie. Yes, there are a few notifications and messages sitting in my back log from while I have been away. I am sorry I went completely dark and hopefully it won’t happen again.

      Sorry to hear you have had a rough time recently. Hope things get better soon.

      Very cool list of anime and really excited to see Natsume on it.

      1. Don’t be sorry for doing what you need to do 🙂
        If this was what you needed to do this was the right thing to do! We survived in your absence.. you don’t owe us anything. That type of thinking can make it hard to blog.. I found that out the hard way.

        Just have fun here and enjoy the amazing people around and the amazing hobby..but do it when you feel like it. Disappear when you must as well.

        We love to have you in this community and if that means fewer posts, or occasional periods of going dark, I at least, and I think others with me, we happily pay that price to see you linger her for longer, rather then see you burn yourself out on our behalf 🙂

  21. It was strange seeing you disappear completely like that, especially knowing how dedicated you were to blogging. Glad to see you are ok and back!

    1. It felt strange to disappear. At first it was a day and then a week and then it just kept stretching on. Before I knew it, months had past.

  22. Oh it’s so nice to see you back! I noticed many people would ask about you on Twitter. I also suffer from migraines. Doctors couldn’t find anything (I had a CT scan done on my head after multiple hospital visits) and ended up having to take anti seizure meds for a short while to prevent them. A lot of my triggers were stressed related so I had to work on trying to de-stress which is easier said than done, but work in progress. I’m glad to see you’re back posting!

    1. So nice to see you too. My migraines are mostly under control because I know the triggers and treatments. These mystery headaches are a problem because I can’t find the source so can’t avoid or minimise contact. If it is stress lets just hope 2021 is a better year than 2020.

  23. Its great to see you back! I can honestly say that the blogging sphere has not been the same without you. Here’s to hoping that this year goes a bit better for you.

  24. The legend returns.

    I’m so glad to see you back and, for the most part, healthy and fine. I’ve been slower with my blog lately as well, also due to work-related commitments. Otherwise, pleasant.

    I’m looking forward to seeing more from you. And I hope the best for you.

  25. When I saw your tweet, I literally shouted and my wife came rushing into the living room to see what was wrong… It’s a relief to know you’re OK. Been worried about you!

    Welcome back, missed you! Is what I meant to say, am trying to say…

    Hmm… Anime…

    Bofuri (Well deserved S2 coming in 2022.)
    Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! <- This one if nothing else!
    My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

    Assuming you've seen the earlier seasons, Fruits Basket S2 and My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU Climax. (The latter was… awesome.)

    Anyhow, we're as well as can be expected what with everything going on.

    1. So good to hear from you Derek. And thanks. I missed you too.
      A nice little list there and I d don’t know SNAFU had a new season. Will have to check it out.

  26. You are back!! I had been thinking of you and your blog on and off all year. I’m sorry to hear about your health stuff, that’s always sucky to have happen in a time like last year.

    ID:Invaded was one of my favorites from last year. It’s got some interesting Sci-fi elements, and was a fun watch!

    1. Glad to hear from you.
      I did start ID Invaded but can’t remember how far I got. Will go back and finish.
      Hopefully I can get back to watching and sharing a live of anime with all of you again this year without the interruptions.

  27. It’s nice to see you back! I missed you and was wondering how are you doing. Glad to hear things are more or less stable for you now, and looking forward to reading your posts again!

    1. So good to hear from you and glad you are looking forward to reading some posts. I plan to have one or two up and ready for this week and otherwise I’m doing some catch up viewing because I missed a lot last year.

  28. Hey, we’ve missed you, too, Karandi. 2020 sounds like it was rough year for you and I’m sorry to hear it. I also have been on a bit of hiatus due to my personal life. But I’m glad you’re feeling better and I hope to read from you again. Please take care and stay safe.

    1. Okay, so I’m no longer a computer or a clone, I’m now the undead. Yay to zombie Karandi.
      I really did go social media dead for a bit there but I feel I’m definitely ready to be back (though perhaps not as prolific as I was).
      Great to hear from you again Dewbond. Any anime catch your eye last year?

  29. Great to see you back, Karandi! We missed you around these parts. I’m sorry to hear about everything you’ve been struggling with, and I hope your headaches start clearing up more soon. If there’s ever been a year where it’s totally understandable to just take a step back and focus more on yourself, it’s this year, so definitely don’t worry about it. Do what you want when you feel up to it and ease back into everything at your own pace. 🙂 Hope you enjoy the anime you’re catching up on, and congrats on watching Cowboy Bebop! I hope you liked it. It’s one of my favorite anime.

    1. Hey Fiddletwix – thanks for understanding.
      Though one thing I did learn last year was that you can definitely get too stuck in your own head. While I needed a chance to breathe, losing all these connections really did make my world so much smaller and emptier. I’m very much hoping to reach out and connect with others this year and hopefully help others who are struggling get through whatever 2021 brings us.

      1. That’s a great takeaway from this experience, and I think it’s awesome that you want to spread some positivity and connections around in this tough time. The world definitely needs that kind of attitude more. 🙂

    1. Hey Scott. So good to hear from you.
      There’s a season 2 of Cells at Work? oh and it is available on Anime Lab. I think you just made 2021 better and brighter for me already.

        1. Definitely going to take it slow. My head still needs plenty of rest to keep it functioning (on the bright side I finally caught up on sleep during 2020).

  30. Welcome back. Glad you’re feeling better. It’s not been the same around here without you. And yes, it has been one bonkers year and sadly it still goes on.

    Gleipnir was my favourite of 2020, but that might not be for everyone. You have to watch Bofuri and Princess Connect! Re:Dive. Both are fun and uplifting. Ideal for the year we’ve had.

    1. Hi Lynn. Glad to hear from you and glad to see you are still around.
      I had watched part of Bofuri before I disappeared and I definitely want to see how it ends so I’ll bump that up to watch and review ASAP.
      Princess Connect I haven’t heard of but fun and uplifting seems kind of perfect so thanks for the tip.

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